Great stuff!
Swill
On Sat, 8 Nov 2008 07:06:42 -0800 (PST), gd_dd@yahoo.com wrote:
>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/black_man_given_nations
>
>Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job
>November 5, 2008 | Issue 44•45
>
>WASHINGTON — African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the
>least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected
>president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-
>reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely
>overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling
>infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million
>Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of
>his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years
>cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with
>such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only
>one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and
>activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this
>country, a black man still can't catch a break."
>
>----------------------------
>
>From 2001 archive:
>
>http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784
>
>Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally
>Over'
>January 17, 2001 | Issue 37•01
>
>WASHINGTON, DC – Mere days fromuming the presidency and closing
>the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W.
>Bushured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long
>national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over." ...
>
>Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage
>wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the
>national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop
>expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping
>budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the
>street.
>
>During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the
>severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton,uring
>citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level
>armed conflict in the next four years.
>
>"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some
>point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent
>boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully
>committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is
>the point of even having a military?" ...
>
>Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.
>
>"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this
>nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap
>between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more
>widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget
>surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the
>foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it." |
